Past, Present, Future….

I have been spending a lot of time rehashing the past. I mean seriously, we are told not to live in the past as we miss the present. Since these planets have all gone into retrograde I have found myself stuck in quicksand as far as the past is concerned. I have read this Moon being in Taurus and so many planets in Retrograde is the time for this to happen so that we can rethink, remember, reprogram, all the re-words, and whether wanting to or not it seems to be happening.
I have learned a lot about why and how I have gotten to where I am, whose thoughts and opinions about me, made me who I have been till recently. I am told this is a healing process and once done, I will be ready to spring ahead at an accelerated rate for what Spirit has in store for me, for me to fulfill my purpose to coming to this Earth to begin with.
Well, I have cried an ocean of tears and have accepted many unacceptable things that I have been through, if it is for the good of others, let it happen. I am so ready to finish this healing process, which has made me feel all the things we try to avoid. Sadness, loneliness, regrets and wishing different decisions had been made.
My drive to help uplift others is still here, though, I do find it a lonely process at the moment. Karmic pattern cleansing done has also brought so much to the forefront. I believe I have washed it all out through tears, and today just feel the need to cocoon myself with my meditations and crystals. 
I have traveled so far to live in light and optimism and believe this is all for the best. Healing things from past lives as well as this one leaves a clean, empty vessel to be filled with Spirit all they will bring in to fill the empty spaces. I am looking forward to what is in store…

Spiritual Cleansing of Past Hurts and Issues

I am being led to cleanse my soul of my past hurts that have made me the person I am today. I am just going to do what I am prompted to do as I trust spirit that this will be the goodbye to issues that keep me from becoming the empty vessel they need to be able to use me to my fullest capacity and purpose. I am setting the intention that through putting this out there that I will forever be done with the past hurts and issues they have caused to make me who I was before Spirit moved in and changed me…I was born to a woman who has told me from the first moment she saw the nurse carrying two babies into the room, that she prayed I was not the one she would hand her. I was all red and had black hair standing up all over the place. I looked nothing like her, but exactly like my Dad. He was Italian, she was a light skinned, blue eyed German. As I grew, I was told she “loved” me, but did not like me. If we were not family she would not even be friends with me. I was told we were Oil and Water. There was no such thing as unconditional love as she always worried about what the neighbors would think. How we acted, dressed, how well we did in school were all personal reflections of herself and she sure wanted people to think well of her. I married someone she hated, I had my children, who I did not dress right, feed right, take care of right. I did nothing right. She has always spoken badly of me to her friends and family who are at a long distance and have not seen me in years, so they believe the horrible things she says. My brother who I adored, has believed things she has told him about me and we no longer have a relationship. I have come to realize the reason I married so poorly and accepted so little from people, but was grateful for what ever little they offered was because I believed I did not deserve anything good. I could not accept compliments, had not self esteem, no confidence in myself and I realized why about a decade ago. I do not hate my mother, but I do not love my mother. I realized that there is nothing wrong with me. God gave me a big beautiful heart for others, animals and such. He does not make mistakes. It was my mother who was not a nice person and I felt okay with finally saying “I do not like her either”. You may wonder what any of this has to do with spirituality or our intuitiveness, but Spirit worked on me this whole last year and made me realize I am a wonderful, loving, open-minded individual with gifts that are not “evil” as my mother informs anyone who will listen. I now have unbelievable connection to my Spirit team, am loving and accepting myself for who God made me to be, and fully ready and stoked to fulfill the purpose I was sent here for. Please agree with me that this is a release, once and for all for all the pain and heartache caused by being raised this way. My mom now is going into Dementia and could use my help, but she still hates me, and she is toxic for me to be around. Spirit also has let me know, this is not my responsibility and has removed all guilt regarding this…I feel like I am throwing out the trash of my past to allow room for all the enlightenment and greatness Spirit has for me….