Past, Present, Future….

I have been spending a lot of time rehashing the past. I mean seriously, we are told not to live in the past as we miss the present. Since these planets have all gone into retrograde I have found myself stuck in quicksand as far as the past is concerned. I have read this Moon being in Taurus and so many planets in Retrograde is the time for this to happen so that we can rethink, remember, reprogram, all the re-words, and whether wanting to or not it seems to be happening.
I have learned a lot about why and how I have gotten to where I am, whose thoughts and opinions about me, made me who I have been till recently. I am told this is a healing process and once done, I will be ready to spring ahead at an accelerated rate for what Spirit has in store for me, for me to fulfill my purpose to coming to this Earth to begin with.
Well, I have cried an ocean of tears and have accepted many unacceptable things that I have been through, if it is for the good of others, let it happen. I am so ready to finish this healing process, which has made me feel all the things we try to avoid. Sadness, loneliness, regrets and wishing different decisions had been made.
My drive to help uplift others is still here, though, I do find it a lonely process at the moment. Karmic pattern cleansing done has also brought so much to the forefront. I believe I have washed it all out through tears, and today just feel the need to cocoon myself with my meditations and crystals. 
I have traveled so far to live in light and optimism and believe this is all for the best. Healing things from past lives as well as this one leaves a clean, empty vessel to be filled with Spirit all they will bring in to fill the empty spaces. I am looking forward to what is in store…

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And So it starts….

It was a gray, dreary Tuesday and I had not felt good this particular morning, so I was at home from school. I sat at the dining room table eating my breakfast when the phone rang.

My mom said “Hi Mom”, so it was one of my Grandmas. Then I heard “What do you mean Dads’ dead”? I sat and now had to figure out which Grandpa I “hoped” it was…I sat still as a statue, this 12 year old girls world as I knew it had changed forever this day.

I went and locked myself in the bathroom upstairs and proceeded to scream and cry my pain and anger at God himself. I begged, pleaded, made deals and promises if he would just bring him back to us, and take someone else.

That night when I finally cried myself to sleep, I awoke to see a white misty cloud over my bed. In the middle of this cloud was my Grandpa, smiling and nodding his head up and down, which I felt meant, “it is okay Nancy, I am really okay”.

In the morning I went downstairs to hear my seven year old brother telling my Mom he woke up to see Grandpas’ face up near the ceiling.

Not only was this my first heartbreak, this was the very first time my gift of Clairvoyance  had shown itself. Over the years I was lucky enough to be able to  lay down to sleep and just think that “tonight I want to visit with Grandpa”, and it would happen. I would be with him, us both sitting comfortably chatting about all the things that have been happening in my life that I had wanted to tell him.  Is this an offshoot of Astral Travel or Lucid Dreaming, maybe it all plays a part somehow. I had visits till I was 19 and then I have not  been able to have them since. Part of me feels he may be in another incarnation since then, and no longer where I am able to visit.

So as it goes, this was the beginning of my different gifts that just grew and got stronger and happened more often as time went on. It is said that “trauma, or the loss of a loved one” many times does trigger our gifts, although it took years for me to know they were indeed gifts.

In my case I know this to be true!

Spiritual Tornado

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seagull

So, my realization of my spiritual awakening was not a mild and continued realization that I had gifts and the Universe was letting me know that it was time to get on board, learn more about them, and then start using them.

 There I was comfortably propped up on three comfy pillows, warm and cozy under my comforter and just getting into a meaty part of a very good book, when all of a sudden I was on a Carnival ride. Room spinning about 100 miles per hour, holding on for dear life, I prayed for it to stop. From that moment on I have been on a crazy path to learn more about my gifts and how to use them for the greater good of humankind.

After eye exams, hearing tests, cat scans, mri, arteriogram and stress tests, pulmonary function tests and finally balance tests and more hearing tests, the medical world can find no explanation for why I had this Vertigo attack and why the after effects are still hanging around. 

Interestingly enough, the symptoms of Vertigo are also the signs of spiritual growth and the clairs….Fuzzy vision, ringing in the ears, and as for the dizziness, well, Sarah Petruno advised me the bad energy leaving me and the new, good energy coming in creates an effect just like a “Tornado”…

So began my journey of reading everything available on my different gifts, reading blogs of like minded people, meditating and soaking up everything Spiritual as if I am a sponge. Yes I have had these gifts all my life without knowing what they really were, or how they could be of any help to me or others. Now I am learning and growing in “leaps and bounds” as I find my path and the purpose I have in this life…

I have just begun this incredible journey and I am so excited to know I am on the right road, finally.

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Spiritual Journey